Evening Hosts Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

Television's prominent comedians used their evening criticizing President Donald Trump's recently launched visa initiative, dubbed the "Trump card," describing it as a clear cash-for-residency scheme for the affluent.

The Late Show's Sarcastic Analysis

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic holiday tune about the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... spoils each thing he comes into contact with."

The focus was the controversial initiative which allows international nationals to buy U.S. residence for a sum of $1 million dollars, or "premium" version for five million. A government portal guarantees processing "faster than ever."

"A quick note for you to affluent foreigners: before you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert joked.

He noted that the card is also intended to "squeeze cash" from businesses wishing to hire foreign workers, involving large payments. "That's a lot of fees, though if you register, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your choice – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he continued.

"The most thorough background check the government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these people absolutely qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit affluent foreigners to live here," he stated. "For a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choice."

"Perhaps it's time to change that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel teased the brevity of the form, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Economic Issues

On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping approval ratings during financial worries. "People gave Donald Trump a second term since they were upset about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a attempt to discuss affordability, Trump held a press conference in front of a array of food items, where he reacted peculiarly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"He is so extremely weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing conservative news arguments of Trump's economic record. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he laughed.