These Advice from My Parent Which Rescued Us as a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was merely trying to survive for twelve months."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to handle the challenges of being a father.

However the actual experience rapidly became "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her main carer in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The job of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he became exhausted. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The straightforward phrases "You aren't in a good place. You must get some help. How can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but infrequently talked about. While people is now better used to discussing the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties fathers go through.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a broader reluctance to talk between men, who often hold onto damaging notions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall every time."

"It is not a display of weakness to ask for help. I didn't do that quick enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is just as important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the space to take a break - taking a short trip overseas, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He understood he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings alongside the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she was yearning" -physical connection and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has transformed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotional life and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, deep-held trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when younger to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain.

"You turn to things that are harmful," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Managing as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you feel under pressure, tell a friend, your spouse or a professional what you're going through. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the activities that made you feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Pay attention to the body - eating well, physical activity and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your mind is faring.
• Meet other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the challenges, as well as the good ones, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help is not failure - prioritising you is the best way you can look after your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the passing, having had no contact with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead offer the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men because they confronted their issues, transformed how they talk, and taught themselves to control themselves for their sons.

"I am now more capable of… processing things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but actually, it's a exchange. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."